Words of love: what your boyfriend really means!

Are you constantly surprised and/or confused by what your boyfriend tells you? The following includes an irreverent analysis of what she REALLY means when she says…

Love…
as in “I adore you”. Variations: “I adore you… I’d do anything for you… I think you’re the most wonderful person in the world… They threw the mold away when they made you.”

At first glance, this is an obvious compliment that suggests deep feelings for you. Surely when he tells you this he only means one thing. Who loves you Who has never been happier. Who wants to be with you forever.

I wish men were so easy. They are usually unable to “worship, etc…” outside of their favorite hobbies.

Please note two things. One, exaggerated language. Those fragments about “the best, the most, above all, etc, etc”. You know they’re true, they look good on you, but is that the kind of language I would normally, honestly, use, outside of sports and cars?

Second, the tendency to clichés. All that “they threw away the mold… a face you could launch a thousand ships with…”. Such clichés may be the value of him in the trade, natural to him, but they are not suitable for deep feelings, right?

Most likely, he is trying to coax you into a better mood by offering you something you want to hear, even if he doesn’t mean it.

It also makes him feel warm inside as he says it, giving him the comforting impression that one day he might really appreciate someone that much.

Of course, it’s quite possible that he’s trying to get you to tell him that you adore him, which he would like; then, with his own ego massaged from him, he could decide in his spare time exactly how much he likes you.

There’s some comfort in the fact that men rarely say such outrageous things if they actually don’t like you at least a little, but not that much. Whatever it is, it’s highly unlikely to lead to a marriage proposal.

But hey, it’s a cruel world and sometimes a girl has to be happy with what she can get. These may just be words, but they sound good.

Busy…
as in “I’m busy tonight.” Variations: “I have a meeting… Some friends dropped by… This report is taking longer than I thought.”

An excuse, usually suggesting a desire for time off.

It is very possible that this is the truth. The men get to work from time to time. On the other hand, there are more times when they are not busy but, being men, they think they are.

As if they think they are in good shape, when they are not.
Or funny, when they’re not.

Or… oh what the hell, you get the picture.

Then there are the days when they just want to be alone, to “chill out” as they affectionately call it, but are afraid of hurting their loved one by telling them such harrowing news. Bless them.

(If only they realized how nice it is to have a little peace and quiet without them sometimes!!!

But you wouldn’t want to tell them that for fear of hurting them, would you?)

In any case, a facility where words aren’t usually among their most precious assets (you know how often men feel misunderstood (like, all the time, maybe!)) they find it easier to just say: ‘I’ve ‘don’t have time’.

Final point. Without details. End of conversation.

On the less charitable side, they may want to keep you out of their life, have some secrets, and be up to no good.

Tip: Check your credit card receipts the next day.

Happy…
as in “I’d like to make you happy”. Variations: “Why can’t you be happy?…What does it take to make you happy?…Most women would be happy.”

A simple rule: children like to imagine themselves as Saint George riding to the rescue of the maiden in the clutches of the dragon. It doesn’t matter that there is no dragon lurking and that you are not really distraught but happy, well, relatively happy. Or at least happy at the moment when he tells you that he wants to make you happy. He can only imagine a relationship where you need to be saved and he is the savior.

However, if you take a closer look at his offer, you may get the impression that instead of “making” you happy (smiling, laughing, happy), he would simply like you to “be” happier, etc. just to meet him.

Because when it comes to crisis, he’s a knight without a horse and, it must be said, without even the stomach to take on dragons. So when he asks, “What does it take to make you happy?” he is not so much seeking advice as pointing out the utter impossibility of accomplishing such a gigantic task.

“Do I make an effort to make you happy? You must be kidding me! Do I change my character or behavior or even my socks to make you happy? Why should I have to undergo a transformation like that?”

Paradoxically, as much as it fails to bring happiness into your life, it can demonstrate an uncanny ability to make you feel miserable. Again, he can do this without any effort on your part, though perversely he may show a willingness to budge when it comes to making you unhappy.

How do you think the maiden got into the dragon’s clutches in the first place?

Listening…
as in “You’re not listening to me”. Variations: “You’re not paying attention… You’re not listening to what I’m saying… You never seem to get the point.”

So you’re not listening. No listening”. Not paying attention.” If that were possible! Problem is, he attacks you like a maniacal drill sergeant with a bunch of new recruits. Screaming. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Same thing over and over. Over and over. No You can hear it. The whole neighborhood can’t hear it.

But frankly, its volume and repetition aren’t much help, are they? It’s a bit like those key announcements train and subway operators make on their public address systems: the louder they sound, the less information you get.

The best course of action is to remain calm because, when you are speaking in this tone of voice, what you mean is almost certainly not what you are saying. It’s not his fault, poor little lamb, he just doesn’t know what’s bothering him.

If he goes on to say that he told you he wanted dinner, he’s probably talking about the fact that his team lost a dark game last week.

If he’s ranting about wanting you to pay more attention to him, he’s probably talking about the fact that one of his coworkers has a new girlfriend who sits goggle-eyed watching him wash the car without even questioning his more outrageous opinions.

It may even have occurred to him for the first time that life isn’t perfect, that he can’t always have everything he wants his way, and that he expects you to figure it out. What good is it if it can’t alleviate global suffering, climate change, human mortality and the club’s three-match losing streak?

If you wait long enough, the storm will pass. He will expect nothing less of you, but his sudden insights will be forgotten and his expectations lowered. Hopefully your team might even win, just like a train or subway will probably show up. Some time.

Spontaneous…
as in “Can’t you be more spontaneous?” Variations: “Why don’t you let yourself go once in a while?…Don’t you ever feel like doing something wild?…I want you to be free.”

Talking about sex again, right? Perhaps not explicitly. Maybe she’s just eating and he suggests she be a little more generous with the salt and pepper. “Go ahead honey, pamper yourself, let your spirit take over, go with the flow.” But in the back of his mind, sex lurks.

Maybe she’s complaining about your attempts to get her to commit to a show for the next two or three months, fighting her plea to know what the two of you are going to do, at least for the next day or two, maybe even . the next hour or two, him saying, “Relax, don’t think so much, don’t put so much pressure on yourself.” But in the back of his mind, sex lurks.

Oh, sometimes he also literally means what he’s saying. Since he thinks of himself as a godlike figure who instinctively responds to the enormous ebbs and flows of the world—(Oh? Just ask him to switch from his favorite show for a minute and you’ll see how spontaneous he is!)—he probably wants open your mind and let yourself go a little.

(Note: This is only as long as your release doesn’t lead you to neglect him. What he’s advocating is a kind of selective debauchery: if you ask him, he’ll probably give you a list of when and when not to be reckless, forceful, unleashed .)

Still, he’s mainly talking about more freedom for himself, not for you. That you stop telling him not to do things other than that you get on and surprise him.

Except, of course, when it comes to sex. Wow, she means it when she calls spontaneity there!