Taaroof in our Iranian culture

It is extremely difficult for many of us Iranians to take no for an answer. It is even more difficult for us to say No, when we really want to say No.

We have to say Yes to the things we don’t like. We say Yes because (sometimes) it is bad to say No in our Iranian culture. We sure have many situations in our culture that have only one answer: “No.”

Still, we Iranians have a deep tradition of making Taaroof, a notion that can be defined culturally, socially, politically and even from a development point of view. If we have a guest in our home, we have to provide food, drink, and entertainment. A great aspect of our offer is due to our hospitality. We Iranians like to share food. It is our tradition and our values ​​that we have to invite people to eat. However, we tend to judge each other based on the amount or level of our Taaroof.

Why do we do Taaroof? The central theme as Taaroof is a multi-dimensional part of our Iranian lifestyle and our Iranian culture. I guess we can never analyze this phenomenon in depth. Taaroof is a complicated, contextual and learned behavior of which only Iranians know its elements.

Basically, Taaroof means making an offer based on not taking no for an answer. Persuasion is mainly involved in our Taaroof production.

Sometimes Taaroof forces us to follow a double standard. On the one hand we don’t want something, but on the other hand we have to pretend that we like things or people. We constantly make offers. We ask the people around us to do what we ask them to do, whether it’s to eat more or to stay longer after the party is over.

We have to stop this behavior. It is not healthy, it never has been. It shouldn’t mean No, in all situations. Don’t do fake Taaroof. We don’t have to do Taaroof at all. Only if we really like to do it and if we really mean it. On the other hand, we should give people the freedom to say No, once they don’t like our offers. Wow, we are complicated.

Poran Poregbal

Vancouver, BC