Parenting styles and presenting a united front

So what exactly does a united front mean? We often hear it from parenting experts on TV, the Internet, and in magazines, but do parents really understand it in practice? Everyone has a different style of parenting, and a united front means uniting your parenting so kids can’t play divide and rule (which they’re extremely good at). Research has indicated that there are four basic parenting styles that range from just meeting a child’s basic needs for food, shelter, and education to those that expect complete obedience without explanation or conversation. Of course, every family has a unique combination of these four basic parenting styles.

Experts agree that no matter what parenting style each parent has, finding a way to combine them that is consistent will produce the most capable and successful children. Disagreements between parents are one of the main causes of marital problems. So, for the sake of your relationship with your spouse and to help your children become successful and happy adults, you must learn to co-parent. Our parenting styles come mainly from our own upbringing, some of us repeat how our parents raised us, others modify our parents’ style a bit. When co-parenting, the idea is to combine both parenting styles and come to a compromise.

Before deciding exactly how you will combine your parenting styles to raise your children, it is important to understand the basic parenting styles and the effect each has on children.

one. Authoritarian Parents – This parenting style is one in which the rules are established and if broken children are punished. There is no explanation why the rules exist. These parents have high demands and expect their orders to be obeyed. It is believed to be the main style of parenting in the 1950s that is said to have created the rebellious baby boomers of the 60s and 70s. Children do not make any of their own decisions.

two. authoritarian parents – These parents also set rules that they expect their children to follow, but the rules are explained. Parents are more forgiving than punishing and children can make their own decisions. Parents are also open to discuss with their children. These parents often take advantage of teachable moments and open, honest communication with their children.

3. permissive parents – These parents have very few demands or expectations of their children, if any. Children make their own decisions and parents behave more like friends than parents. Boys tend to become sexually active much earlier and are at high risk for drug and alcohol addiction. Minor criminal records are also common among children raised by parents with this parenting style.

Four. Parents not involved – These parents have very little involvement in their children’s lives. Children are likely to run away frequently, have a tendency to be violent, and are unable to live productive and happy lives.

In 1992, psychologist and author EE Maccoby concluded that authoritarian parenting styles tended to result in children who were happy, capable and successful. Combining parenting styles in a way that falls somewhere in the authoritative parenting zone makes children better adjusted, happier, and more successful.

It is practically impossible to always be united and in agreement one hundred percent when it comes to raising children. Keeping rules and consequences basically the same is what you should aim for in co-parenting. Parents need to sit down together and decide what rules there will be and the consequences for breaking those rules. Remember this is not about winning. Establishing a parenting plan is about your relationship with each other and raising intelligent, well-adjusted children who are capable of supporting themselves and living happy lives. Commitment is essential. For example, one parent thinks the kids should be in bed at 8 pm and the other thinks the kids will be fine going to bed at 10 pm. Negotiating a bedtime around 9 pm is a compromised quality. If after staying up until 21:00. the kids seem too tired for the whole day, talk about it again.

There are some things you won’t agree to and to avoid problems with kids recognizing this and taking advantage of it, here are some rules you should always follow.

· If you have a disagreement, discuss it privately. Children should not listen to their parents discuss whether it can be avoided.

· Remember that you both have an interest in what is best for the child or children. It’s not about winning; it’s about being a team.

· Don’t talk about the other parent in a negative way in front of the children. It only hurts the children to hear about one of their parents in this way.

· Don’t try to be the “favorite” parent by deviating from your co-parenting plan.

Whether you are married to your child’s other parent or not, these guidelines will help you have healthy and successful children.