Overcome Approach Anxiety, But Don’t Leave Her With Departure Anxiety
In the world of aviation, that relatively short time in which the plane descends towards its destination is generally called “approach”. The moment just after taking off is called “departure”.
Well, in the world of relationships with women, we also have something called “focus”, of course. It often comes with “approach anxiety.”
But did you know that women actually experience what could be considered the mirror image of approach anxiety?
Call it “departure anxiety.”
And YOU could be causing women to feel this all the time, probably without even realizing it’s happening.
This weekend a guy flew here to San Antonio for the Ten-Plus Live experience. As always, it was an intense 36 hours or so.
Now, like many readers of this newsletter, my friend who came to visit me isn’t exactly a “basket case” when it comes to women. In fact, he’s already pretty good with women.
What sets him apart is that he is interested in going from GOOD to GREAT with women.
He wanted to bolster his already solid daytime game, and with it his ability to approach any woman he wanted…regardless of location.
So one of the things we did was go to some men’s stores to see if we could up our style and up our game.
In one of those stores that we entered, we invited a girl named Jackie Jo to help us. Jackie Jo was one of those amazing women who is exceptionally beautiful on the outside, and even more so AFTER you started talking to her.
She was one of those gems who proves to be skeptical that there really are still good-natured feminine women in North America.
She was clean, tasteful and professional.
I had my friend introduce himself and do whatever it took to strike up a conversation and start turning on femininity. Within half a minute, Jackie Jo was laughing, touching her arm and lifting her shirts to see what they looked like… nodding approvingly.
“Okay, I have to go,” my friend said.
“Um… bye. Have a nice day,” she said in a mellifluous, feminine tone that can only be described as a “radio voice.” She looked like she was saying goodbye to a loved one who was going to war.
Then he went to the huge two-story Border’s bookstore. We spotted a very pretty brunette by perusing the audiobook section.
After a pre-game conversation on the subject, my friend introduced himself. He did everything right. The woman was delighted, even leaning closer to him when she was helping her find what she was looking for.
Surprisingly, another guy who had been lurking rolled his eyes and walked away from the scene shaking his head shortly after my friend approached the woman. Clearly, he had been working up the courage to do the same, but he hadn’t managed to deploy.
But my friend was Murphy’s Law personified at the time. The bright-eyed woman he was joking with was already loving every minute of it.
“Okay, well…I need to get back to my friends,” my friend said.
I saw a puzzled look on the woman’s face as she walked away.
I also couldn’t help but think that maybe someone should go find the other guy and tell him that he still had a chance.
Now my friend would be flying out the next day, of course, so he wasn’t about to position himself for a long-term relationship or anything.
But he was really starting to get used to starting conversations with women and turning on the femininity. So much so that I recommended that he start telling these women that he was from out of town at the end of his conversations with them, and that he get his Facebook ID so they would at least know he approved of them.
Later last night (or earlier this morning, really), the true seriousness of what was repeatedly playing out before our very eyes culminated in an interaction my friend had with another woman that I suggested he talk to just before closing time. the club we were in.
It was 1:55 am and my friend had already made a lot of progress. There were virtually no negative experiences all weekend with women, and he had dropped all the “openers” and was simply approaching the women and introducing himself.
This last woman, however, blew the lid off.
Upstairs walks my friend, and in thirty seconds you would have thought he had dropped an M-80 on his Coors Light. His femininity had lit up like a roman candle almost immediately.
His smile gave way to a glow. Her light kino gave way to bringing his other friend into the conversation and clearly hinting at a threesome.
I promise you I’m not making this up. And it was 1:59 am when I looked at my watch at this point. The four minutes had passed.
The lights in the clubhouse came on.
My friend hadn’t really selected these women, remember. It had been my suggestion that he work on one more interaction before the night was over.
And well, I had an early morning flight. Frankly, he was more interested in breaking down the entire Ten-Plus Live experience over “breakfast” than getting these two women back to his hotel anyway.
She wished the women well, and as soon as she safely turned her back on them, they BOTH literally held out their arms as if to say “DON’T LET US GO!” One even uttered the word “Noooo!” like she did.
Outrageous.
My first thought upon hearing the story after the fact was, “Okay, a really good reason to go ahead and approach a woman is because you never know when she’s just broken up with a boyfriend and she’s ready for ‘revenge sex. ‘ instant. .”
The first woman had just been dumped by her boyfriend earlier in the evening, and her friend had been cool enough to pick her up and ask her out for a drink before the bars closed. You know, to take your mind off of her.
He had seen enough. I told my friend that no matter what, forever, when he meets a woman he has to give her some sign of approval at the end of a positive interaction with her.
And you should too.
Whether it’s at the bookstore or a club, once you approach a woman, and she likes you, YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
You are THE MAN IN DEMAND.
Essentially, if you initially express enough interest in a woman to approach her, things go well, and then you DO NOTHING TO FURTHER THE CONVERSATION by the end of it, guess what?
YOU FEEL REJECTED.
Think of it as “departure anxiety,” like I said.
It causes EXACTLY THE SAME FEELING that you get when a woman rejects you.
Let’s say you walk up to her and she REALLY LIKES IT. Hey, women really WANT TO MEET A GREAT GUY as much as you want to meet a great woman.
It’s not like you’re picking on her or anything for being a great guy who showed up and made her feel like a woman.
But I think some of us hit the “tipping point” in such conversations and FAILED TO IMPLEMENT.
And I’d say doing so at that point is probably more damaging than failing to deploy before even getting close.
How is that?
Well, at least the guy who walked away shaking his head at Borders never managed to make a woman feel rejected.
When you adamantly end the conversation, she goes and looks at herself in the mirror wondering what the hell she could have done to mess things up for herself.
It is true.
Guys, if you approach a woman and she really seems to enjoy the conversation, is laughing and having fun, and actively participating in the conversation, LET HER KNOW that you enjoyed talking to her.
And… give him a chance to continue that conversation with you.
Yes, I know that’s where “the chips are bad” and it’s easy to lose control.
But I promise you, he hasn’t been playing games with you. Get her number. Get your email. Get their Facebook ID. Whatever.
And when you get that information, USE IT. Don’t stare at the phone and cower when it’s time to call.
Every time you decide not to continue with a seemingly pleasant conversation, the woman WILL FEEL REJECTED.
Seriously, “rejection” is not a gender-specific feeling.
And if you’re not going to want to be friends with her if you like her, DON’T GET NEAR HER in the first place.
Either that, or tell him the valid reason why you won’t. (eg you’re leaving town tomorrow and you were just enjoying the conversation with her, etc.)
The tone of how a relationship with a particular woman is going to go is set from the moment you start interacting with her.
If you’ve shown initiative and leadership while making her feel comfortable and informal in your presence, she’ll probably like it.
When you make a bold move to continue the interaction, she is left WAITING for you to CONTINUE showing that you are a man of character who does what you say you will do.
It’s the RIGHT WAY to create a solid first impression with a woman. But the key is that you have to LEAD. You have to follow up when you reach out, and again when it’s time to contact you later.
Otherwise, “departure anxiety” leaves her wondering what she did wrong…when it could have been nothing.