How can I make my husband feel attracted to me again during our marital separation? Tips that can help

I often hear from wives who are very anxious to get their husbands back during a trial or marital separation. Often they really are doing the best they can. They are trying to stay strong and trust the process. But usually they miss their husbands terribly and are terrified of a divorce in the future.

I heard a wife say, “My husband and I have been apart for about five weeks. He doesn’t have much contact with me. He sees the kids regularly, but seems to want to avoid me. Once, after the kids had their sports games, we went out to dinner. We all seemed to have a good time and laughed a lot. I can’t forget that night at the restaurant. I know he was flirting with me. I caught him staring at me. I don’t know how he can turn it off and on like that. How can I attract him while we’re apart and when i don’t see him very often?

He could almost feel the desperation in this wife and not just because she was so descriptive. I know what she was feeling because I have been there myself. I was the same wife who tried so hard to lure her husband away from her and get her attention. But the unfortunate truth is that the more she tried, the less interested she was. The more I tried to attract him to me, the more rejected I felt. And it wasn’t until I literally almost threw my hands up and backed away that he was suddenly interested (and dare I say attracted) to me again. But it was a long process that I made more difficult by refusing to see what was right in front of me. I will explain below.

See if you can fabricate accidental runs that aren’t too obvious: Before you throw your hands up like I did (which actually ended up working), see if you can fabricate an informal meeting that hopefully goes well and leads to more. For example, in this scenario the wife knew with everything she had that she and her husband clicked and flirted when they went out to eat as a family. But, this had not been replicated. So I felt it was worth trying to see if she could somehow recreate this. She had been waiting for her husband to come to her and she didn’t. And, she had taken the initiate but had been rejected. So it was worth trying to see if she could fabricate a chance encounter. Maybe she might accidentally bump into him somewhere she knew she was going. Or she might invite him to one of her sons’ events in the hope that another outing to a restaurant would follow.

But no matter how you do this, make it look easy and unplanned. Don’t appear nervous or show that this is all you’ve been thinking about for days. Please believe me when I say that it is vitally important that you appear busy and cope. A depressed and hopeless person who puts a lot of pressure on her husband will not look as attractive as someone who does everything possible to stay busy, true to herself, and as positive as possible. Be as relaxed as she can. Laughter. Take the conversation lightly. Show him the playful woman he used to love. Make sure you look your best, but don’t look like you’re trying too hard or specially dressing up for an occasion that should be casual and unplanned. If it’s clear that she planned it from the beginning, the results may not be as expected.

If all else fails, try going back to pique your curiosity: In my own situation, it became clear that my husband was not particularly interested in or attracted to me as I pursued him. Eventually, I felt so bad about the situation that I almost gave up. High school friends and family urged me to return to my hometown for support. I finally gave in and went back to visit. But I didn’t tell my husband I was going because I didn’t think he would care.

Frankly, going home was exactly what he needed. I came back refreshed, not as frantic and more accepting of whatever happened with my husband. I decided to just see what was going to unfold and try not to push it too hard. I didn’t have high hopes for this new strategy, but it worked out pretty well in the end. My husband had wondered where I went. He wondered why I suddenly got so quiet. He may have wondered if there was someone else. Unbelievably, he started to get closer to me. I had been reading a lot about not trying too hard and the laws of attraction. So even though I was dying to fall into his arms and beg him to come back, I held back and tried to let him take the lead. This helped enormously and I have no doubt that this made me appear much more attractive to him. When he suddenly didn’t try as hard on me and I didn’t measure my day by his response, suddenly everything he did worked so much better.

Some of my friends told me that I was playing and maybe I was. But I was not outright lying to my husband or acting maliciously. I was thinking about basic human nature and the simple law of supply and demand. Sometimes the most effective way to make your husband feel more attracted to you when you’re apart is to not try so hard and just let it come naturally.