Get Him to Commit: Why Ultimatums Don’t Work

When a client complained about her boyfriend and told me she couldn’t get him to commit, it was my job as a relationship coach to start asking questions. It turns out that her idea of ​​getting her boyfriend to propose to her involves giving her an ultimatum. What she doesn’t understand is that resorting to such tactics will have the opposite effect and will eventually drive him away.

When a woman uses manipulation to get her man to commit, a man, especially one who is shy about commitment, has a tendency to withdraw. If a man suspects that what he really wants is a wedding ring, he may begin to feel that marriage is his only goal; in other words, he could be happily married to anyone. Since women generally want commitment before men in a relationship, this tug of war dance is a big problem in love relationships.

Remember that ultimatums are the same as threats. Would you like to maintain a relationship with someone who constantly threatens you?

Some women resort to using reverse psychology and take this to the opposite extreme, acting like they don’t really care if they can get him to commit. Ultimately, this tactic backfires when the man begins to feel that his woman doesn’t really care about the relationship and therefore has no incentive to initiate the next step himself. Using reverse psychology will not make you commit. It’s just another form of manipulation.

So what works?

First, let me give you some statistics. The number of married couples is rapidly declining. According to the New York Times, there are more women in the United States who live without a husband than with one. In fact, this number is higher than ever in history… today, 5.9 million women live alone. But this isn’t just a problem in the US, this trend is spreading across the globe. Although women are more independent than ever, this does not mean that they do not want to share their lives with a man who loves and appreciates them. What are women doing wrong?

The short answer is nothing. It’s not your fault if you don’t understand what your man needs to commit to marriage. It’s not your fault because no one has taught you about male psychology and because you’re getting all sorts of mixed messages from the media and from books that teach you certain ways to behave in order to win over your man. Usually these books are based on some form of stance or manipulation.

Think about it for half a second and you will know that such techniques will not work. Why would you want to pressure your man to marry you? You do not want me to do it? want you? Is it really love if you have to manipulate him into committing? Can you really feel safe in a relationship where you have cheated on him to get what you want?

Using an ultimatum to get that long-awaited wedding ring is equivalent to committing suicide in the relationship. If you ever give your boyfriend an ultimatum, it should come from a genuine place: it should really mean the end of the relationship if he’s not ready to take the next step, not just a ploy to get him to commit. In other words, he must be prepared to pack up and walk out the door for good.

So now that you know that ultimatums won’t get your man to propose, take the time to figure out what works. Being yourself, being real and genuine, is essential to any healthy relationship. It’s a good idea to learn more about male psychology, particularly what a commitment-shy man needs to take the next step in a relationship. When you understand what a man needs to feel safe and feel like you really are The only, then you can get him to commit without making him feel like he’s been cornered. In fact, committing to you will boost his self-esteem and make him feel more like a man, a man who is taking the next big step in life.