Should you give the spouse who cheated or had an affair the silent treatment?
It is natural that eventually you don’t have much to say to your cheating spouse. Well, let me clarify that. Many of us have a lot to say when we learn about the traps. And most of us say a lot (or yell a lot) as soon as the cat comes out of the bag. And we keep saying it. And then say it some more. But after a while, we talk about everyone. And once we have our voice, our spouse might try to defend himself or justify his cheating, which most of us definitely don’t want to hear. And so we want the whole conversation to stop, especially when we don’t have much to say to you anyway, at least at the moment.
That is why it is natural to resort to silent treatment. However, not all husbands accept this kindly, or simply accept it. Many will tell you that everything your refusal to have a conversation is doing is making things worse. They may try to anger you or entice you to talk to them. And this can make some wives question their strategy. Someone might explain, “I wouldn’t say that my husband and I had a lot of deep conversations after finding out that he had been cheating on me. Mostly, I screamed and he tried to dodge all the insults I was throwing at him. I think he kept waiting until I I calmed down to speak, but it took me a long time. And he keeps trying to speak, but I turn it off. I have no interest in what he has to say. There is no excuse for ever letting this make sense. There is nothing he can tell me for soften the blow. So lately when he tries to speak I just walk out of the room. And he will try to get me to talk to him, but I will stay silent and just look at him with anger in my eyes. He tells me we have to talk eventually and that I can’t give him the silent treatment forever. I know I can’t go on like this. forever. But right now, it’s working for me. If our kids are around, I’ll make kind requests for their benefit, but I don’t talk to him about anything. ng of substance and I don’t want to change this anytime soon. Do I have to stop giving him the silent treatment? “
I don’t think you have to do anything. You have every right to decide what is and what is not working for you at this time. After all, if your husband had never cheated on you, none of this would be necessary. He made that decision. You did not do it. And now, he’s just dealing with this mess (which he didn’t create) in the best way possible.
That being said, I doubt that I can (or should) go on like this forever. Since you have children, it is vital that you are able to speak openly and honestly with your father, even if he is only talking about them. I’m sure you know that one day, you two will have to give up the silent treatment, at least as far as the children are concerned. This is necessary for their well-being and effective parenting. Too often we hope that if we just fake things for the kids, they won’t realize something is wrong. But they capture more than we give them credit for. So no matter what happens to the marriage, keep an open mind when it comes to co-parenting. Because presenting a united front as parents is one of the best gifts you can give your child.
But when it comes to talking about your marriage, there is no timetable for it. Sometimes it takes a while before you feel like you’re ready to have meaningful conversations. However, eventually you will want to. Because even if you don’t want to save your marriage and eventually want to get divorced, you want to resolve this relationship in a healthy way so that the pain doesn’t persist, or worse, it follows you into your next relationship. You deserve to be happy. But it’s hard to do that when you carry the luggage of this pain forever.
And silent treatment is probably not the most effective strategy for getting rid of pain. Most of us want our husbands to feel sorry and remorse, even if we are no longer sure about our marriage. Silent treatment generally makes you feel less embarrassed, not more. And it can only guess your point of view or your feelings. But all these things can be saved for later, if necessary.
And naturally, it can get to the point where you get tired of giving the silent deal and not having the conversation you probably need to move on. But I certainly don’t think you have to force yourself to speak up if you’re not ready. I don’t think you have to rush. To prevent her husband from pushing her, she would suggest something like, “I realize we will eventually have to talk, but I’m not ready for that yet. And I ask you to respect that. I am more than willing to discuss things that are out there. I have to talk about the kids. But I’m not quite ready to talk about the affair or our marriage yet. I know that eventually we will have to have those conversations. But now is not the time, at least for me. I’ll let you know when I’m ready But right now, I only ask that you respect my wishes. “
You will probably know when the time is right. One of the first things you learn during this process is that no one else can, and should not, make these decisions for you. The judgments of others really shouldn’t matter. This is your Life. And your rhythm. So you can decide when you are ready to move on to the next step.