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My ex is sending mixed signals: what does it mean?

Many times after a breakup, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will stay in some sort of contact with you.

It hurts to see them, it hurts to hear about them. Yet at the same time, you’re willing to welcome just about anything your ex does, because you still love them and want them back.

But what happens when your ex sends mixed signals?

What does it mean when your ex tells you they “still love you” or “will always have feelings for you” one minute, but then completely ignores you or tells you to leave the next?

Is there something to all these back and forth emotions? Is your ex just being cruel, turning his feelings on and off like a faucet?

When your ex is hot one minute…cold the next

There are a number of behaviors that you will get from your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend after they end their relationship with you. Some of them are intentional. Others are simply because your ex just doesn’t know what to do. Remember that even though he broke up with you, your ex-lover is still going through many of the same withdrawal symptoms and bad feelings that you are.

So what do all these signs mean? Let’s examine them one by one:

my ex completely ignores me

In this case, your ex leaves you and then seems to have moved on completely. They don’t call. They don’t send text messages. They no longer like your Facebook or Instagram posts. In short, it’s like you’re not even there. Like all of a sudden, after how much did you love this person? You are a GHOST to them.

Being ignored is one of the most painful experiences after a breakup. It can make you feel like you mean nothing to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It can invalidate all your feelings of love, it can erase the memories you shared together as if they never happened. It feels cruel. Impressive.

But why would an ex ignore you like that? Are they doing it specifically to hurt you?

Not even close.

Look, your ex made a very difficult decision when he decided to break up with you. And he is not one they took lightly.

Believe it or not, seeing you, talking to you, even hearing about you is hard for them.

Even something as innocent as a friendly “Hi, how are you?” Texting can hurt your ex just as much as it hurts you.

So instead of putting yourself through the pain of having to deal with the repetition of your decision? Your ex decides to break all contact with you.

This does not mean that your ex does not love you. Not even remotely. But it does mean that they are not ready to hear from you right now, and any continued efforts to get in touch with them on your part will only push them in the opposite direction.

How much more do you call? The more they run. The more you text, or drive by your ex’s house, or stalk them online? The more distant and cold the person will be towards you. It is a defensive mechanism. And it’s nothing personal.

“I still love you, but I can’t be with you right now”

When an ex says this to you, it’s nothing like what they’re really saying. In simpler terms, here is the translation:

“I would like to see other people. But I want YOU to wait for me, so that if my new single life is a failure, I can always come back to you for friendship, sex, or comfort.”

So yeah, your ex is basically turning you down to try to date other people. Of course, they will never admit it, which is why they surround themselves with so much mystery.

Your ex might call you at odd times or text you and not respond. He or she will pretty much create their own schedule, which revolves around doing whatever they want. And when you press them for details or ask “when” you might get back together? They make fun of you, tell you that you’re smothering them, or that they “need time alone.”

NEVER let your ex have that much power. Putting their relationship in limbo while he clings to table scraps that his boyfriend or girlfriend might throw his way makes him seem utterly desperate and therefore unattractive. Your ex isn’t likely to date you anytime soon when he or she knows you’ll come running like a dog every time they call. And they certainly aren’t going to get back into a long-term relationship with someone so desperate and subordinate to them.

Your ex has sex with you but they don’t want to get back together

You might think that having sex with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend will help get them back. After all, part of the reconciliation process is going back to bed, and you’re probably not sure when the right time to do it is.

But when your ex is using you for sex? That will never lead to a permanent relationship again. Not if you’re giving them the physical and emotional comfort of having sex with you, but without any of the strings attached to being boyfriend and girlfriend.

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