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Four Tips for Getting Help at Home

My husband quietly entered the kitchen and began scraping food from a large bowl into a smaller one. He found lids to cover the leftovers and put them in the fridge. I looked at him and smiled, then quickly turned to my dishwashing ballast. Somehow I stopped this miracle in progress.

He does not like to wash dishes. It does not cook on the grill. This area is almost alien to him; her cooking skills are limited to taking out the garbage or going to eat.

He said almost apologetically, “I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

I thanked him with a smile and washed the counter. We finish our work and take a second cup of coffee to the terrace to freshen up and get some rest. I needed to take some time to tell him one more time how much his help meant to me. I also reminded him that I liked his company.

It seems that as the years have passed, we have become more sensitive to the needs of others and try to be helpful when possible. That is a fact for most families. Today he taught me by example a lesson that I think we could all benefit from.

When offering your help, don’t just choose the things you enjoy and ignore the rest. For my husband, helping clean the kitchen is at the bottom of his list. Not only that, I know he had a job of his own to complete in the other room; he wasn’t in the kitchen with me because he was bored.

Here is what I think are three keys to (eventually) getting help at home:

1. Acknowledge the help you already have. Does someone in your house take out the garbage, answer the phone for you, put your things away, or carry the laundry baskets to the laundry room? Take the time to thank them for that; appreciate the little things. Let them know how much it helps.

2. When more help is offered, take it as it comes. I will never tell my helper they covered my leftover plate and refrigerated it! Nor will I waste time wishing they had done things differently; my path is not always the right path. (By the way, that has been a very difficult lesson for me to learn. And you?)

3. Don’t drag people kicking and screaming to help you. Ask for help politely when needed. If you reject or ignore it, make the most of it. Every year my husband seems to feel more comfortable helping out with the kitchen, laundry, or cleaning. I think asking him to do little things for me periodically in those areas has helped him feel more comfortable and equipped to help out more. A man (or a woman for that matter) doesn’t feel safe trying to help out in unfamiliar territory.

4. Don’t waste your time complaining about not having help. Be grateful for the skills and resources God has provided you and try to enjoy even the smallest daily tasks. Be thankful to have someone to share with and let them know that they are more important than what they will or will not do.

A verse in Colossians 3 comes to mind now that seems to sum up all of this:

“And whatever you do, do it from the heart as for the Lord, and not for men.”

May your lives be enriched by the people in your home and the people you care for as you continue to bless others along the way.

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